The first thing I want to talk about is the prayer on the home page of this site. The author is unknown, but I found the hand written text in my father’s things after he died. I couldn’t ask him if he wrote it, but it was written in his handwriting. But he never signed it, so I can’t say for sure he wrote it. He may have just copied it from somewhere. But I thought it was beautiful and so I have published it here on my site for everyone to enjoy.
Now for the rest.
I was born and raised Catholic. I am pleased to be, but I feel I have moved on from religious dogma. I still attend church once in a while, receive communion, also, but it isn’t often. That does not mean I don’t believe in God. I do most fervently. In fact, I feel I can actually say I know that being exists. He’s been the best friend I’ve ever had. Pulled me through some very dire times. In fact, my relationship with Him is such that, while I was going through losing everything I owned, my house, car, everything, I did not feel anxious. I exhausted myself, looking for work so I wouldn’t lose those things, but I was not successful. But even then, I did not feel anxious. I knew He would take care of me and He did. His care came in the form of my moving into my sister’s house, which used to be my mother’s, and help take care of Mom as she grew old. Her health failed exponentially, but we were able to keep her at home, not in any nursing home. After she died, it was my brother who then needed the care. He had moved in already, needing dialysis. God’s care led me here, to take care of everyone else while I am provided a place to live. And I thank Him very much for that.
But my belief in God comes from way back when I was a child. Mom and Dad were devout Catholics, went to church every Sunday. My belief began with my faith in my parents. But it was later, when I was in my early twenties that I had some very solid proof.
I wrote a book, Interview With The Ascended Masters, that I put together with a spiritual medium named Calleen Wilder. You can get it over at Amazon. In it, I wrote about the experience I had. I’ll quote it here from my book:
‘My first inclination that God was real was back in 1970 when I was working for Bell Telephone. I was an all night telephone operator. I’m Catholic, so when it came to Sunday morning I went to Mass before I went home to bed.
Thing is I would get so sleepy waiting for Mass to begin. I got off work at 6:00am but Mass wouldn’t start until 7:30am and the church was only a five minute drive away. It was difficult to stay awake.
I took my seat way in the back of the church so I could get out as soon as possible to go home to bed. The church usually was pretty well filled by the time Mass started and I wanted to avoid the crowd who would surely make my exit slow. But when I arrived, there would hardly be anyone inside yet and they were usually clear up at the front. So I sat way in the back all by myself.
One Sunday morning I decided I’d had enough of the tiresome effort to stay awake so I thought to myself, ‘I will ask God to help me.’ I decided that all I needed to say was a little prayer and thought of the Glory Be To The Father. It’s a very short prayer and I thought it would be appropriate, so I began.
I settled down into the seat to make myself as comfortable as possible and said, barely above a whisper, “Glory be. . .” That’s all I got out. Before I could say another word I felt a hand smack me across my face. There was no pain, no insult or degradation. It was simply that someone had hauled back and let me have it right across my right cheek. It knocked my head sideways. And, of course, there was no one sitting near me. I looked.
It was too early for many people to show up yet. I caught my breath, jerked awake and sat straight up. All tiredness left my body. I looked up at the altar and knew what had happened. There was no vision or voice telling me. I just knew and I sat there, chuckled to myself for a while, and was awake the entire Mass.’
That was my first sign. Much later, when I was working for a mental health institute, I had another. Now this one may have you wondering if I have lost my mind, but bear with me. Ever since I was a small child, I have had a special ability to, I have recently understood it to be, presensing. It’s not a big ability, I can only do this for myself, and I can’t do it at will, but it is why I believe in psychics. Now I know most proclaimed psychics are not really. Real ones are not so plentiful. But I found Calleen. But this experience I want to tell you about now I had before I met her. Again, I will quote from my book:
‘The next significant event that happened was while I was working in the medical field. There was a client, among many, with whom I had developed a friendship.
This young man had an illness that prevented him from having any restful sleep at night. I had watched over him during one weekend and on that Sunday night, after I got home, I was extremely tired. But I couldn’t help worrying about him because he had looked as if he was going to die soon if he couldn’t get any rest. However, all I could do was lie down on my couch, with my face to the back and all the lights turned out. I started thinking about a book I read that told about our spiritual white light.
I had been practicing bringing up my spiritual white light for several months by then so it was easy for me to bring it up and wrap myself in it. I imagined it all around me then got the idea to extend it and wrap the young man in it, too. My thought at the time was ‘what if I could wrap him in it and help him get a decent rest? What if it would work?’
I didn’t expect anything to happen. I was just doing it for my own peace of mind because there hadn’t been anything I could do for him. But I lay there and relaxed and thought that I would imagine that I was extending my white light to him. As I said it was only for myself that I was doing this because I was feeling so helpless and useless to him.
I settled down into the couch to go to sleep with my spiritual white light in my head wrapped around the both of us and started into that feeling everyone gets when they are about to fall asleep when, suddenly, a whoosh happened in my head and I found myself standing at the foot of a huge, bright white wall. I was facing the wall, a little away from it, and I looked and I saw the young man standing right in front of it looking at me. And he looked healed. He smiled at me and I smiled at him and then he tilted his head a little sideways, held out his arms to me, and said, in a low, cooing like voice, “Hey.” I was immediately in his arms receiving his hug and giving him a most fervent bear hug of my own. And I felt it. It was real.
He held me for only a moment, then he said to me, “I appreciate the way you are feeling about me but I have to be on my way.”
I knew what he was talking about. He was talking about his life path that he had chosen for this lifetime, so I said, “Yes, I know.” In a flash he was gone.
Now I need to say that all of this was not spoken out loud as we normally speak to each other. I knew he had said this to me without him saying it. It was in my head that I heard it and it was through my own thoughts that I spoke to him. The moment I said, or thought, my response to him he disappeared.
I looked toward the wall then, not knowing what to expect next, when out of the wall stepped a man. He was shorter than me, about half a head shorter, and he was wearing a brown business suit. It was a beautiful color chocolate brown with a cream colored shirt. He had black, shiny hair, slicked down and parted in the middle and a huge, black, handlebar mustache. He looked at me with round, dark eyes and a magnificent smile and the look in his eyes was of a most wonderful love. I was mesmerized.
I smiled back at him and then he turned and stepped back into the wall. It was then that I saw his wings. They were transparent but I could see the feather outline of them and they had the twinkling of all the stars in the universe inside them. It was fascinating, but the most fascinating of it all was the fact that I knew, without being told, that his name was George and that he was my guardian angel.
After George stepped back into the wall I started getting that floating or falling feeling that people often get when they are about to fall asleep. For whatever reason, I decided to go with it and see what would happen. I found myself floating.
After a moment, I came upon what looked like a membrane. It’s hard to describe. I slowed myself down so that I could look at it for a while.
The membrane was everywhere I looked and the color of it was a mixture of pink flesh, old rose and salmon. I know those colors don’t make the color that I saw but they are the only ones I can think of that come close to describing it. And it undulated like a body of water does, with the color going from a darker version of it to a lighter version. It looked liquid.
I started forward again and as I approached it, the membrane began to break open like soap bubbles on water will do. There was a big hole in it in the middle with many different sized holes all around it that grew bigger the closer I got to it, as if it was dissolving. I headed for the opening in the middle.
As I approached the opening it grew bigger and I felt that I wanted to go into it. When I got right next to it, all of a sudden a wall was brought up straight at me, blocking me. It looked as if it was made of white bricks with black mortar. It shocked me and I backed away.
I caught my breath as the wall came up and the next thing I knew I was waking up back home on my couch. Later, Calleen told me that I had astro projected. I had never believed in anyone’s ability to do that but I had read about it briefly while browsing through some book stores a while back. That was my first experience with it and I have not been able to do it since, but then my emotions have not been as engaged as they were with that young man. He was so pitiful and it worried me that he was going to die. He has since then.’
Here is another, very powerful example:
‘There have been many encounters with miracles in my life since. Most of them were not quite as spectacular as the ones I just mentioned but all of them are similar to the ones mentioned by many other people. All of them are significant to me, but they were only a build-up to what occurred after the death of my brother Paul.
In the year 1999, a series of events took place that led me to a most amazing discovery. My youngest brother Paul died of liver cancer on June 7, 1999. He was thirty eight years old. During the week prior to his death, three times I saw this, he would have his eyes closed drifting in and out of sleep, or coma, we weren’t sure, but suddenly a very sweet smile and happy look would come to his face and he would nod his head. Later Calleen told me that Paul was talking with his dad and that his dad was encouraging him and comforting him through the process of dying.
Our father had died of cancer in 1982. Calleen said that, if I had tried to wake Paul and succeeded, Paul would have looked around and become puzzled as to where his father was. She said that Paul was in the transition state and both worlds would have been real to him.
Some members of my family said that Paul was only dreaming, but I had felt that it was different. I could have been wrong, but my visits to Calleen have convinced me that there is a very distinct possibility that she was right. I wish I had tried to wake Paul. I would have at least had his reaction then and I would have known for sure.
Three months after his death I had a most amazing dream about him. It was not like a regular dream where you can wake yourself up out of it and more or less turn it off or just forget about it. No. This was a dream where I felt compelled to witness certain things and to hear and remember what was told to me. The best way for me to tell it is to recount it as I wrote it in a letter to my sister-in-law word for word.
There is one word in it, however, that I wish to point out is not correct. It is as I wrote it but I misinterpreted the building in which we were as an observatory. It was instead a conservatory. But this was my mistake.
In the letter I mentioned several people about whom I should explain. I come from a large family, three brothers and three sisters. We’re very close. I am the oldest and Paul was the youngest. In my dream were my two sisters, Becky and Mary C, along with my mother and my sister-in-law, Paul’s wife, Linda.
Richard in the letter is my oldest brother. He was not in my dream. He was in Anita’s. Anita is a friend who has, on several occasions, had dreams on the same nights that I have that were of the exact same topic. We’ve done this several times and I really don’t know how to explain it. Calleen told us we have been sisters in many past lives. I will recount the dream as I did write it to my sister-in-law, Linda. This is what I wrote:
This is a dream I am going to tell you about.
Even though there is a chance that what I am about to tell you can be just my imagination (and we all know how vivid that can be) I feel compelled to tell you because the dream I had was too real. It was about Paul. I can’t sit down and tell you this dream because it is much too difficult for me. I woke up from it crying my eyes out.
I tried to tell Anita about it but couldn’t without another bout of crying. So I decided the best way is to write about it and let you read it in what privacy you have. This is the way it went:
You, Mary C, Mom, Becky and I were at a huge, old, brick house that had an observatory behind it across from a brick courtyard. Much like they have in England. But this observatory was also Paul’s workshop. We all knew this. Why, I don’t know because nothing on the outside looked anything like your house or his workshop.
I went in by myself and the inside was the observatory with the extremely high, glass ceiling and upper part of the walls. There were plants growing in there like they have in England but the center of the observatory was Paul’s workshop. It looked just like his workshop behind your house. Had all his tools there.
Inside his workshop was a bench, or table type bench, that had a mattress on top of it. I suddenly felt tired so I laid down on it. After about a minute I rolled over on my side and saw a man’s arm on the floor stretched out from under the bench. It startled me because not only was I not expecting to find anyone in the workshop, it also looked just like Paul’s arm.
I rose up and looked under the bench and there was Paul lying on the floor with his eyes closed. He looked as if he was struggling to open them. Then suddenly he did and he looked at me and smiled the biggest smile and the first words out of his mouth were, “There are a lot of beautiful women there.”
I smiled down at him, I knew what he meant, and I said, “Yes. I bet there are.” I knew he was talking about heaven. Then I asked him, “Paul, what are you doing here?”
He started to sit up as he said, “They are letting me come back for a short time because of something I have to do.”
I started to ask him what that was when we heard someone come into the observatory. Paul quickly said to me, “Come. Help me. You need to hold me down.”
I looked down at him and saw that he was starting to fade away. I jumped down and put my hand on his stomach to hold him and he struggled to stay solid. He was turning white, not the white of pale skin, but the white of ghostliness.
Whoever had come in left. No one could see us there on the floor because of the plywood panels that were leaning up against a workbench between us and the door.
Finally, Paul became solid and looked satisfied that he was going to stay that way for a while. He smiled at me and we both stood up. He looked good. Healthy. And not as heavy as he was. He looked strong and was tall like he was. He was dressed in his work clothes. Red suspenders and all.
I asked him again why he was here but before he could answer the door to the observatory opened again and in came you and Becky. Paul ducked behind some paneling that was leaning up against the wall and I wondered why he was doing that. Mom and Mary C came in then and all of you went over to something that was hanging on the wall over to the opposite side of the room.
I couldn’t see what you all were looking at and I couldn’t hear clearly what you were saying. My attention was mainly on Paul. Then he came out from behind the paneling looking satisfied. He said he could now be invisible to everyone but me. I asked him why he wanted it that way and he said, “Because you believe more.”
He went over to you, Linda, and from behind you he put his arms around you and hugged you and then he leaned around you and kissed your left cheek. You kind of absently brushed your hand over your cheek as if you were brushing away some insect maybe that was pestering you. Paul smiled at that and kissed you again. You did the same thing and Paul looked up at you with a mock frown and a smile and said to you, “Stop wiping that off.” and then he kissed you again. You again brushed your hand over your cheek, sort of absently, and went on with your conversation with the others.
Paul looked up at me and laughed and then leaned around to kiss your right cheek. You brushed your hand over your right cheek but this time you looked around to see if you could see the fly that was pestering you. Paul chuckled and gave you a big hug.
Then the picture went to a bedroom where we all were and all of you were looking at something that was hanging on the wall in there. I couldn’t see what you were looking at nor could I hear what you all were saying about it, but there was a shelf for miniatures on the opposite wall over a dresser. Paul went over to look at that.
My attention was on Paul still as I sat down on the bed and I asked him again why he was not appearing to you. He said, “Because her pain will not let me.” And then he said to me, “Linda is having a hard time right now and I need you to tell her something for me.” I asked him what it was, but before he answered me he knocked the shelf that held miniatures off the wall. It hit the dresser with a loud bang and all of you looked around at it.
Before I could think of what I was doing I rose up from the bed and said, “Paul, be careful.” All of you looked at me then and you, Linda, said, “Paul!” You looked at me as if I was nuts. I thought to myself then that I had made a mistake in saying what I said, but then I decided that I didn’t care and I reached for Paul. I started crying as I gathered him up in my arms and he laid down on top of the bed with me. I could see that he was getting weaker, ghostly, and he said to me, “Ann, I don’t need to tell you how much I love all of you but I need you to tell Linda that I love her very much and I will be with her always.” I told him I would but I lay there, stroking his hair as he faded away and I was crying and saying goodbye to him.
All of you were gathered around the bed by then looking at me and you, Linda, started crying and saying, “Paul. Paul.” He looked up at you and smiled at you and said, “I love you, Linda.” Then he was gone.
I woke up from this dream crying my eyes out because it was so crystal clear, so real feeling, that I couldn’t help but cry. I saw everything in this dream with absolute clarity.
You were wearing a white pant suit. Becky was wearing the dark blue pant suit she likes to wear. Mom was in a flowered dress and Mary was wearing her usual black. I was wearing a skirt and top. We were all dressed up for something. I don’t know what.
Paul was so clear to me. I could see his face and his eyes and that loving happy look in them.
I told Anita and then she told me about her dream she had last night. At first she wasn’t going to because she thought that maybe it was just something screwy but when I told her about mine she thought that maybe there might be something to it. We both believe in possibilities.
Her dream was also about all of us. Only Richard was in her dream. She dreamt that she, Richard and you, Linda, were in a huge, old brick building that looked like it might have been a barn. Inside were large rooms in which rows and rows of chairs were set up for the many other people who were also in there. And everybody were facing a dark stairway that went down to where, no one knew or could tell, but everyone knew that people sometimes did not return from there. It was a place that was wrong to go.
You and Richard could not decide if you should go down the stairs or not. Anita said she could sense that it was not a good place to go and tried to tell you both that. But you both wanted to decide for yourselves and you both started down the steps.
Richard changed his mind and came back. Anita was elated because she knew then that he would be safe but they both became concerned for you. It took you a while but then you came back. You had changed your mind.
Anita said she could not see Paul in her dream but she knew he was there somewhere and she knew he was wanting you to go somewhere else. She could not see where it was he wanted you to go but you left and that was the end of her dream.
Now I know that all this sounds screwy. And I wouldn’t blame you if you decide to think of Anita and me as blazing idiots. I probably would myself if it weren’t for the fact that my dream was so real feeling. So much so that I woke myself up crying. Anita thinks that it is enough to warrant telling you. So I am, but I want to tell you a few more things.
I have some books on spirituality if you want to read them. One of them includes dream symbols and the dream symbol of stairways is very significant. It indicates the direction in life we are choosing to take.
If the stairs are dark it means the life path we are contemplating is wrong or evil. If the stairs are well lit, whole and sturdy, it is the opposite. Anita is wondering if maybe you and Richard are having a hard time now in deciding what to do with the rest of your lives. It is not difficult in imagining that you are after all you have gone through. She thinks, and so do I, that maybe Paul wanted me to tell you he loves you very much because it might help you. How, I’m not sure. Only you can know that.
If this was just a dream then so be it. But if it really was Paul, then I have carried out his wishes. Maybe it is your pain that is preventing him from coming to you. Maybe after it lessens he will be able to. I don’t know for sure how it works but I do know that when you finally are able to dream about him then maybe I will stop. I hope not, but I wouldn’t mind it so very much if it will help reunite you with him.
I’m going to close now. I hope I got everything down.
Here is a quote from my book, Interview With The Ascended Masters, that will help you understand why I believe in Calleen:
‘The next event following my dream occurred about three weeks after when Linda’s friend Debbie finally talked Linda into going to Calleen for a reading. Debbie had been going to Calleen for several years.
Linda didn’t believe in such things like mystics because there are so many scam artists out there. But Linda finally gave in because she was hurting so badly over losing Paul that she was willing to do almost anything that even hinted of any kind of connection to him. So she gave Debbie the money, in cash, to pay for a phone call.
She told Debbie she was not going to make the trip to Calleen’s. She really didn’t have any faith in what Debbie wanted her to do. So Debbie took the cash to Calleen and made the appointment for Calleen to call Linda on the following Saturday morning.
Debbie did not give Calleen Linda’s last name, at Linda’s request, because Linda didn’t want Calleen to be able to do much research on her, if that was the way Calleen did her business. Linda fully expected that was exactly how Calleen did her work. So all Calleen had of Linda was her phone number and on the appointed Saturday morning Calleen called her.
At this point I need to explain some of the people Calleen mentioned in the reading. Paul and Linda did not have children together. Paul has a daughter, Elizabeth, from a previous marriage and Linda has two sons, Stephen and Shane, from a previous marriage. The Richard who Calleen talked with on the other side is Paul’s and my father. He died in 1982 of cancer at the age of fifty seven. Calleen also mentions Paul’s and my uncle Jim who died of heart complications earlier in 1999. Mike in the interview is the man Linda has recently married. Now back to the reading. This is how it went:
When Calleen identified herself, Linda told her she didn’t believe in this sort of thing and that she was only talking to her because her friend talked her into it. Linda also told Calleen she was not going to give her any information because she didn’t want to influence her. She wanted to see if Calleen was worth talking to.
Calleen said she understood because many people, when they first approach her, say the very same thing. Linda told her to just start talking and they would see what would come up. So Calleen did.
Calleen told Linda there were many people stepping up to talk to her. She said that when people first come to her this is usually what happens. We have many ancestors who want to say things to us so Calleen allows them and this is what she did for Linda.
Linda said later that she didn’t recognize most of them but Calleen told her if she checked with members of her family she might find they did exist. As it happens Linda did later and found out about several of them.
After a few minutes of this talking with ancestors, Calleen said there was a Richard who had stepped up to talk with her. He wanted her to know that he was watching over her son Stephen and that Stephen was not using his intelligence as he should and for Linda to see that he attended college. Calleen said that this Richard was a member of Linda’s family but in an indirect way. She said that he was a man around sixty years of age who had died of cancer some years ago.
Calleen asked Linda if there was a Richard in her family and Linda told her no there wasn’t. She was still reluctant to give her any information. Then Calleen asked Linda who she was looking for. Linda told her ‘someone much younger than sixty’. Linda did not say anything more than that.
Calleen remained silent for a while and then said that there was a younger man in the ‘healing room’ who said he would like to talk now. She said he was too weak to tell her his name. She said that he had died of liver cancer a very short time ago and still had to be in the ‘healing room’ until he was healed. But at this time he wanted to tell Linda that he was also watching over Stephen, and at this time Calleen broke off and said that Richard was this young man’s father and that Richard was helping him watch over the children until the young man was healed and could take over the job himself.
By this time, Linda told me later, that she had started to cry because she knew Paul’s dad. Calleen told Linda she could see the two men linking their arms together. She said that the young man’s dad died when the young man was very young and the young man had missed him terribly. He was very happy now that they were together again. Calleen also said that the young man told her that Jim was there also. That was our uncle Jim.
Calleen continued to name names. She said that the young man was watching over his daughter Elizabeth and she could see him stroking her hair. Calleen said he told her he loves his daughter very much and would always watch over her.
Calleen mentioned Linda’s other son but only described him as the baby-faced one who had a hard time expressing his feelings. Linda’s oldest son was slightly brain damaged during a bout with a very high fever when he was a baby. Calleen said he would be all right, though.
Also, according to Calleen, the young man said that he knew his brothers and sisters would be all right because they were equipped to handle their grief but he was very worried about his mother.
Then Calleen asked Linda if she was his mother. Calleen had never seen Linda and still didn’t know her last name so she didn’t know who Linda was to Paul. Linda told her no and then Calleen asked her if she called him her clown. She said he is telling her that he is Linda’s clown. Linda told Calleen that he liked to tell jokes and would make any occasion fun just with his personality. Calleen said he is singing the song ‘Sweet Caroline’ and wanted Linda to pay attention to the words. He didn’t say why but Linda later said the words in the song were comforting to her. Calleen also said that he was holding roses in one hand and daisies in the other.
Then Calleen started to say something else but broke off in the middle of it and said, “Oh, he’s your soul mate. He’s your soul mate. I didn’t realize you were looking for your soul mate.” and then Calleen started crying.
Calleen said that it is extremely rare that we come here with our true soul mates, that they usually stay behind to act as our guides. She said we earn the right to be here with our true soul mates and we do that by learning the lessons we are here to learn and by not causing intentional harm to anyone.
She said he was telling her to tell Linda that he was watching over her every minute of every day and he would see to it she got everything she ever needed or wanted. Linda asked Calleen when she could join him and Calleen said not for another forty years and not to rush it. She still had work to do. He will be waiting for her when her time here is finished.
Then Calleen said that Mike was a good man and had her best interest at heart. Linda was surprised at that because she hadn’t asked about Mike.
The day before her reading with Calleen Linda had gone to the cemetery and asked Paul what he thought of Mike. Mike had been a friend of Linda’s through her work and Paul had met him several times. Even sat down and talked with him. How Calleen got Mike’s name no one can explain and it threw Linda for a loop. Linda said later that if she hadn’t already been sitting on the floor she would have fallen.
Calleen then asked Linda if there was an Ann in her family. Linda said there was and Calleen said the young man said my name with a sense of gratitude.
Linda called me immediately after Calleen’s call and she was sobbing hard. She could barely tell me what the problem was. At that point I had not heard of Calleen so I didn’t know of Linda’s appointment with her. Linda finally told me all about it and, of course, I was astonished, but it still took me several weeks to decide if I wanted to go to Calleen. When I finally did, I decided to actually go to Calleen’s place of business. Debbie had told me that Calleen tapes her readings then and you get to keep the tapes. I grew up being skeptical of anything mystic but Calleen told me things about myself and my family to generations back that she couldn’t possibly have known. But Calleen did assure me that no true psychic is 100% correct all the time. Other well known psychics have said the same thing.
My first visit to Calleen was the same as Linda’s call from her. There were many ancestors who gathered around with something to say to me. Many of them I will not recount here because the things they said do not pertain to this book. However, there was one that does have a significance.
I had taken my grandmother’s watch with me and my brother Paul’s ring when I went to see Calleen. My parents had given the watch to me after my grandmother died. I had read somewhere that sometimes people like Calleen could do better when they held something in their hands while they were searching for that particular person. It was a shot in the dark, I know, but I thought it was worth a try.
Calleen took the ring first but she couldn’t find the person to whom it had belonged. She did talk to several people by then, and had kept trying, but Paul was no where to be found, so she laid the ring down and took up the watch. Immediately she identified my great grandmother, whom she said had gathered strongly around the watch, and told me she watched over me most of the time. She also told me I was named after her, which is true.
Calleen talked for a while, telling me about my great grandmother’s death and how she had felt about the way things had been dealt with afterwards. Then suddenly Calleen identified the watch as belonging to my great grandmother’s daughter, which was true. I had not said a word to Calleen about it.
I had started out the interview as Linda had done. I told Calleen I didn’t believe very much in this sort of thing but she had told ‘someone’ so many things that were true that I decided to give her a try. All I wanted her to do was just start talking. So when Calleen came out with the things she did, I started becoming a believer, at least in distinct possibilities. In other words I was impressed.
We started on my questions. Calleen said goodbye to all my ancestors and then told me that a Gabe was going to answer me. My first question was how and what was I to do about my financial situation. I hadn’t had much luck with that lately. The moment I asked that question, Calleen hesitated, then said a Richard had stepped up and was going to answer that question for me. My heart skipped a beat.
I didn’t say anything to Calleen. I just watched her. Now here I must say that when Calleen first started reading for me she wouldn’t look at me. She looked out the window or at the floor or at the ceiling. The first time she asked me a question I didn’t realize she was talking to me because she was looking out the window. She explained that she didn’t want any expressions on my face to influence her while she was concentrating. But after that, when she had a question to ask me in particular, she would look at me so that I would know she was talking to me. So when I asked my first question she was not looking at me so she didn’t see my reaction when she mentioned my father’s name.
Calleen answered my question, and the next question and so on, all without looking at me, and when I came to my question about soul mates, she answered that one in the same manner. The answer to that particular question is in the next section of this book. But it was during her answer to me that a peculiar thing happened.
Calleen was going along, answering my question, when suddenly she stopped and asked me if I knew someone named Paul. She looked at me when she asked me, as was her want by then, and I know my eyes got big as dinner plates. She looked at me for only a second longer then looked down at the floor. She said he seemed to be someone close to me, then said “no, he’s someone very close to you, more than a friend, and he is wanting to say something to you. He is wanting you to know that he is watching over you and the rest of his family and that he is not ever very far from home.” Then she looked up at me and said, “he wants to say good luck, sweetheart”. By then I was in tears. I couldn’t say anything for a while but finally I told her that it was my brother and that is what he always called his sisters.
By then I was convinced that Calleen would be a good source for all the questions that had been burning in the back of my mind for many years. As I said I believe in possibilities but I still could not get rid of the tiny little niggling feeling that there was also the possibility that all this was fake. I teetered on the edge and I still do somewhat every so often. But I checked on some of the things she had told me of my family and she was right about them. So I have to consider the fact that she could very well be right about the rest.'
Now here is something I learned that is of much importance to you. It happened during my visits to Calleen. I will quote from my book again:
‘Now it is time for me to tell you about something that happened during the times I was going to Calleen. I had a most unfortunate, or maybe I should say fortunate, experience with the evil one about which I must tell you. I say fortunate because it gave me knowledge of that being, even though the experience was quite harrowing.
One night, very late, I had a dream that many little demons were hanging all over me, holding onto me and trying to keep me down. The place where they and I were was dark, black, but in the background I could see a reddish hue that undulated to black and back to red. It looked as if it was liquid and crawling over the walls.
From out of the depths of that redness came a figure that many would say is familiar as the beast has been depicted in many movies. It had a human man’s body, very muscular, with a goat’s head and eyes that glowed red with pure evilness. I felt like I was suffocating. I knew him to be the devil and I fought hard against the demons, but I couldn’t free myself. I tried, hard, but I couldn’t even raise my spiritual white light.
I looked up to the sky and with, and I do mean a mighty effort, I stretched my hand upwards and I said, “Please, God. Help me.” I strained hard and was finally able to raise my white light and the moment I did all the demons fell away and I woke up. I found myself lying on my bed with my right hand reaching for the ceiling.
I don’t need to tell you how scared I was. That dream was as real to me as the one I had of my brother Paul. I could not wake up from it until I raised my white light. I had to lay there and think about it for a long time. However, the conclusion I came to was that the devil could not fight against God’s help and the moment I raised my light he could no longer hold onto me.
That has given me a great peace since. I no longer fear the devil. I now know he is not strong enough to get me if I don’t want him to. And the fact that he appeared to me in the form he did was not because that is actually what he looks like. It was because that was how I would readily know who he was. We humans have used that depiction of him many times.'
All this is some of why I believe in God.
I went to see Calleen nine different times to get all my questions answered. I’ve put all that in my book, Interview With The Ascended Masters. You can get it over at Amazon.
Since then, I have bought and read several different kinds of bibles. I have the St James version, but also the ecclesiastic. I have the Rig Veda and Bhagavadgita, the Upanishads, Book of Mormon. I have talked with several spiritual leaders, priests and nuns. Asking all my questions. The book I wrote with Calleen is the culmination of all those questions. 68 pages worth right now. Spiritual questions as well as what really happened in the history of our world.
I also bought the book, ‘The Great Tao’ by Dr. Stephen Change. You can get it at Amazon. In it, I learned about the Pa-Kua and it’s healing powers. I have some of that story on the home page of my website here.
All this that I have written here is to help you understand why I put up this site. I can’t claim to be the expert on God, but I have learned a great deal, maybe some things that you might not know and will be happy to learn. Maybe.
My quest is not finished, may never be. But I have put here on my site what I have learned so far. It will always be a work in progress. And it could be some of the information I have here will have to be corrected. I’m always learning, and I will always put here what I have learned. Enjoy and God bless.